NOTE: Have a terrific holidays, folks. Heading to the Big Apple to see the family, I’ll return January 1, refreshed and re-energized, ready for year 3 at Script Gods. I’ll have some news for you then about a pair of movies in the works. In the meantime, stay positive, and stay vigilant (see below). See ya in 2012….

10 ESSENTIAL steps of HIGHLY-SUCCESSFUL screenwriters!

Killer Loglines! 30 seconds to CHA-CHING!

10 BLOCKBUSTER Story Techniques!

10 Techniques you MUST know to be a pro!

20 Screenwriting Success Secrets that will enable you to EFFORTLESSLY sell your screenplays, become magnetic to agents and managers, and help you become ‘the next great voice’ in Hollywood even if you live nowhere near Los Angeles!

  • Those who can’t write, teach seminars.

This one will be tricky.

Yeah, I’m a teacher, and a screenwriting consultant, one of THEM. How the fuck can I throw rocks at glass houses? The stones on this guy!

Let’s find some context, ok? Long ago I said I would pack up this blog before I ever tried to bullshit you folks. Of course I shouldn’t say this, but fuck it…the money I make on this site beats digging ditches but it’s not freeing me for retirement in Costa Rica any time soon. I created Script Gods to pass along some knowledge, fight the good fight, make a few gherkins, but not free myself. How many people you hear make millions from blogging? Doesn’t happen, not here anyhow. When this gets old, I’ll pack it up, end of story.

Until then, let me say: There are some slick operators out there feeding you misinformation. And not just some. Take a moment to punch in Screenwriting Consultants into Google. How many pages do you see?  Scroll all the way down.

87 pages! Multiplied by 10 entries per page= A shitload of screenwriting experts!

What does that tell you? Tells me there’s money in the game. Tells me you don’t need a diploma or credentials or even to had a movie made to call yourself a screenwriting consultant.

Tells me that you folks need to watch your asses, because you’re vulnerable. You want it to happen. You believe in your projects. Writing isn’t tiling a bathroom. This script is a piece of you, almost like a child. You want the best for it. You might be willing to pay an expert for advise. Of course you’ll check the screenwriting message boards, check sites for recommendations, maybe even look to Creative Screenwriting for their Best Of series.

Better than I have already commented on this subject. Craig Mazon at talked about wasting people’s time. Chad Gerivch at discussed not using a script service. The King of all bloggers, John August, outright told you those who can’t write teach seminars.

Before I give my $60 or $250 notes to people, I make sure they understand that I’m only one opinion. They won’t agree with everything I say, that’s a given. The question is how many of the notes can actually be used. If the writer takes 5 of 10 of my notes, I’d consider that money well spent.

Here’s another tidbit you won’t not hear from the Script Gurus: Who the hell are we, anyhow? Self-appointed experts commenting on someone else’s creativity.

Punch my name in on Google search and I do ok, but go to IMDB and the output ain’t exactly epic. What qualifies me to judge you AT ALL?

First thing I’d do in your shoes—go to IMDB to check the consultant’s credits. Have you ever noticed: The slicker the website, the fewer writing credits the guru seems to have. When you go to a site like Inktip or ScriptShark or any of the other thousand sites, do due diligence. When Inktip directs you to their Facebook page where 100+ movies they developed have been made, go to the page. Ever heard of even ONE of them? Not sayin’ they all suck, I’m just sayin’…

Get past the slick site and promises, see if there’s any substance or accountability. Here at Script Gods, when you send me an email I answer it, usually the same day. You know who’s reviewing your script. When we talk on the telephone, there’s a one-on-one connection.

I would love to watch each self-proclaimed expert stand before an audience of beginning writers to answer why, with all these years in the biz, they find themselves telling others how to make a living in movies instead of making that living themselves.

Let the credit-quoting and name-dropping commence.

And now, without further ado, your trombone lesson…

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