“...since 2007, the last year covered in the previous Hollywood Writers Report, the
nation’s economic fortunes have taken a serious turn for the worse. The Great Recession
of 2008, triggered by the “bursting of the bubble” in the nation’s housing markets, was
marked by a collapse of the financial markets, a tightening of credit, millions of housing
foreclosures, millions of lost jobs1, and significant declines in consumer spending. The
impact on the Hollywood industry seems to have been felt most acutely in the film sector.
Whereas television production was more or less flat between 2007 and 20092, the number
of theatrical films produced in the United States declined 25.5 percent, from 909 to just
677.3 Meanwhile, the WGA unemployment rate increased 2.6 percentage points since
the last report, from 45.8 percent in 2007 to 48.4 percent to 2009 — which was driven by
a 5.9 percent decline in the number of employed writers (from 4501 in 2007 to 4236 in
2009).

4236! Painful, right? A 7th Armored Division of writers trying to make it, and only 4,236 are actually doing it. Makes you want to cut up your Starbucks cash card and give up writing that live action-animation script about the young grilled cheese sandwich that dared to dream big…

But don’t despair. Those 4,236 writers might be the only ones making it in 2011, but they aren’t the only ones making movies. Plenty of writers are making smaller independent movies. Lots more make low-budget and micro-budget movies. Stories are being told, and will be, shitty economy or not.

In this environment you just need to be sure of what it is you’re going for when you start a project. Here are the five things I’d nail down before starting to write a movie…

• Theme

I’m convinced the reason I’m not one of those 4,236 winners is that every script I’ve ever started writing was something I had to write. This is terrific for the artistic temperament but doesn’t always pay the bills. Nevertheless, you really should know what it is, exactly, you’re trying to say. Why is what you’re about to write important to you? They say write what you know…that’s probably because what you know is what you care about. Thus, you can write about it with conviction. Know why you’re writing the movie.

• Hook

What’s new about your idea? What in it haven’t I seen before? Why will folks pay $10+ to sit in a theater and see it? For spec scripts, if it’s non-remake or sequel, it better have a monster concept behind it. For the Independent level, you’re still looking to raise millions, thus the need for a dazzling hook that will draw an audience remains. On a micro-budget, sure, you can write a script just because you’re interested in the subject of, say, baking bread. You still should have a compelling story behind that baking bread, something to draw an audience, something we’ve seen before but maybe never like this. Otherwise, what’s the point?

• Genre

Please know your genre before you write page 1. Sounds obvious, but sometimes it’s not. Example: I had a student wanted to write about a recent divorce. The movie would be a drama and she made no bones about wanting to eviscerate her ex-husband. Week after week she’d come in with fresh pages that made our Writing Group howl with laughter. Somewhere about week 4 she realized: “Hey, I guess I’m writing a comedy.” Once you know the genre, know the sub-genre. What kind of comedy? The Hangover or Welcome to the Dollhouse? Horrible Bosses or Best In Show?

• Protagonist Model

Single Protagonist? Dual Protagonist? Ensemble? Big difference between two protagonists and a single with a strong secondary lead. Ensemble movies like Crash, Lifeboat, Nashville or Airplane! all have great characters but not a single one that dominates more than others. Sure, in Crash the Matt Dillon character might have twice the number of scenes of, say, the Sandra Bullock character. It doesn’t make him the protagonist. Screen time is one way to recognize your protagonist (the protagonist will rarely disappear from the action) but it’s not the only measure. A protagonist is the POV character for the movie. He can share time with secondary characters but the main journey is his. Example: Goodfellas is Henry Hill’s story. Sure, the Deniro and Pesci characters are huge, not to mention his wife (who actually shares the V.O.)…while the screen time might be close, it’s still clearly Henry Hill’s (Ray Liotta) movie. All the subplot characters exist to further his story. Definitely know the protagonist model before you start.

• Style

“Style is the answer to everything.
A fresh way to approach a dull or dangerous thing.
To do a dull thing with style is preferable to doing a dangerous thing without style.
To do a dangerous thing with style, is what I call art.
Bullfighting can be an art.
Boxing can be an art.
Loving can be an art.
Opening a can of sardines can be an art.
Not many have style.
Not many can keep style.”--Charles Bukowski

Style is voice. It’s you, coming through on the pages of the script. Not an easy thing to do. It’s been said you need to write a million words to develop a style. Absurd to put a number on it but the point is made: It takes a long time to develop as a writer. When we think of movie stylists we often think of directors: Tarantino has style. So does Lynch. So, too, does Woody Allen,  Darren Aronofsky, and Orson Wells. But writers, too, can have style. Shane Black is notorious. Old school guys like William Goldman or Paul Schrader. Charlie Kauffman is recognizable on the page, and in his choice of projects. It could be argued that the writer is just a conduit to story, that they should blend in and not stand out on the page. I disagree. True voice is rare. Good writing makes a sound and the best writing grabs you by the throat and never let’s you go. So, keep working at it, get to the million words as soon as possible, and find that voice.

“THE IDEAL LOW-BUDGET MOVIE IS SET IN THE PRESENT. FEW SHOTS, LOTS OF INTERIORS, A COUPLE OF SPEAKING ACTORS (UNKNOWNS), NO MAJOR OPTICAL EFFECTS, NO HORSES TO FEED. BUNCH OF NOT-IN-THE-GUILD TEENS RUNNING AROUND AN OLD HOUSE WITH A DUDE IN A HOCKEY MASK CHASING AND SKEWERING THEM.”—JOHN SAYLES

There are no absolutes. For each of these “rules” I can name multiple movies you’ve heard of that have been successful. This list is only meant to inform on possible danger spots. Rules are meant to be broken, sure, but you better be good enough to do pull it off. Else have a cast-iron stomach for the audience’s inappropriate laughter when your chase sequence through San Fransisco streets malfunctions, the six year old actor tires out and crashes, or the editor you’re not paying flakes out before putting together the green screen effects in your $25,000 epic.

1.  LIMIT LOCATIONS:

CENTRAL LOCATION (S) IF POSSIBLE. AVOID COMPANY MOVES. THE GOAL: A FULLY REALIZED STORY VISUALIZED WITH MINIMUM LOCATIONS.

2.  LIMIT CHARACTERS:

SPEAKING PARTS DEMAND SAG MINIMUM WAGE PAYMENTS. WRITING IN KIDS, EXTRAS, ONE-LINE ACTORS? DON’T.

3.  LIMIT SFX & STUNTS:

EXPLOSIONS, RAIN, CAR CHASES? ACTION SEQUENCES COST. BLOCKING OFF STREETS, HIRING PA’S COST. TIME CONSUMING AND EXPENSIVE.

4.  WRITE FOR GENRE:

FORGET THE PERIOD PIECE: EXPENSIVE SET DESIGN, COSTUMES… WRITE FOR WHAT SELLS, MICRO-BUDGET: HORROR, SUSPENSE, SCI-FI, COMEDY.

5.  WRITE LONGER SCENES:

DIALOGUE SCENES OVER ACTION… EXAMPLE: 95% OF CLERKS WAS SET INSIDE THE CONVENIENCE AND VIDEO STORES.

6.  WRITE FOR A REALISTIC BUDGET:

GUNFIGHTS, EXPLOSIONS, SQUIBS? SPECIAL VEHICALS & MAKEUP DEMANDS? THE VAMPIRES YOU GOTTA HAVE… THAT SHOT OF THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE THAT’S ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY… THAT KATY PERRY SONG YOU DON’T OWN BUT IS PERFECT FOR THE MOVIE… THE MUST-HAVE CRANE SHOT, STEADICAM OR HELICOPTER MOUNTS… EMBRACE YOUR LIMITATIONS: DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN’T DO, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO.

7.  WRITE IN WHAT’S AVAILABLE:

EL MARIACHI//ROBERT RODRIGUEZ’S SCHOOL BUS. NEED A 727, SOLDIER FIELD? DON’T WRITE IT IN UNLESS IT’S AVAILABLE TO YOU.

8.  BEWARE THE POST-PRODUCTION SOLUTION:

DIGITAL ENHANCEMENT, SURE, BUT LIMIT THE GREEN SCREEN & CG EFFECTS—POST PRODUCTION COULD TAKE 10X PRODUCTION TIME.

9.  BEWARE WEATHER AND SEASONS:

RAIN, SNOW AND WIND? COST TIME AND $$$.

10.      MISCELLANEOUS DON’T WRITES:

ANIMALS AND CHILDREN

PERIOD-PIECE COSTUMES

SPECIAL VEHICALS & MAKEUP DEMANDS

SCENES INSIDE FOOTBALL STADIUMS WITH ONE THOUSAND EXTRAS.

SEX SCENES

NIGHT EXTERIORS.

11.      LIMITED AND REASONABLE LOCATIONS:

FILMMAKERS NEED LOCATIONS THAT ARE ACCESSIBLE, HAVE ADEQUATE POWER SUPPLY AND FREE FROM TRAFFIC NOISE AND CROWD CONTROL ISSUES. PARE IT DOWN TO ONE LOCATION, FINE, BUT DON’T MAKE IT THE LYRIC OPERA, PACKED WITH FIVE THOUSAND FOR A SUNDAY MATINEE OF CARMEN. WRITE WITH AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE LOCATIONS THE FILMMAKER WILL NEED.

12.      FIND THE DYNAMIC CONCEPT:

SAW, OPEN WATER, BURIED, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, BLAIR WITCH…HOW IS WHAT YOU’RE WRITING DIFFERENT THAN ANYTHING WE’VE SEEN? IT ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO STORY.

13.      STORY IS FREE:

WANT TO ATTRACT C-LIST ACTORS WHO HAVE SLIPPED OFF THE RADAR? AN A-LISTER WHO WILL WORK FOR SCALE ON A LOW-BUDGET GEM THEY BELIEVE IN PASSIONATELY? WRITE A GREAT STORY.

“STORY IS FREE”—JOHN AUGUST

• Niki Nikita

That’s not her real name. Her real name still inspires fear. This, the woman with two Tony Awards on the mantle place of her upper-east side apartment. This, the woman who produced Jane Doe, taking a rough-and-raw true story about drug addiction and turning it a perfectly charming, and soulless, Lifetime movie. The story behind the relationship between Niki and I might be a useful life lesson.

When we began Jane Doe we had an initial investment from friends and family of 90K. The plan was do it Limited X (see the Writer’s Guild for low budget contracts). We were in Pre-Production mode when Nika and her production company phoned. They loved loved loved the script! My brother and I were summoned to her offices. We were sat down on Italian leather, like a plain and peanut M & M, and told we would be the new Coen Brothers. Into the office came Doug Limon with a freshly-printed poster of his new movie, Swingers. It was all happening, especially when Niki slide a  check across the desk for $150,000. She was interested in a partnership. Were we?

Sonofa…!!!

Hell yeah we were! Great, all that remained was signing the contact. The document sent was the size of the Yellow Pages. Our entertainment lawyer assured us it was a standard contract with “boiler-plate” language. As director, I’d get to take the material to the rough cut stage, then we would consult with Nika on the fine and final cuts.

Bottom line: We signed.

Here comes the life lesson, ready? You folks need to be very, VERY careful before you sign ANYTHING.

There is no going back, no fixing it. The compliments from Niki soon dried up. The artistic connection was an illusion. Nika was often and constantly on set, meddling, pressuring. As the production got further behind schedule she fired several people. Then there was the night we spent two hours setting up a critical shot and on the second take, Calista was bloodied by my brother swiping an electric alarm clock that went flying into her head and bloodied her. The ensuing conversation with Nika while I was at the hospital checking on Calista is still the stuff of nightmares.

The true nightmare came weeks later.  Despite not shooting well over 20 scenes from the script, I somehow scraped together what I thought was coherent rough cut movie. Handing it off to her, Nika told me the bad news: She had “issues”, deep issues with the cut as is. She proceeded to “put a pin” in it. She sat at the Avid with the editor undoing every scene, every take I had chosen. She had final cut authority and from that moment, it became her movie.

Folks, there are people in the biz who are cutthroats like no Jack Sparrow. They will gut you, garotte you, and leave you for dead.

Or worse. Mediocrity.

Hold on to control of your project as long as you can.

JANE DOE TRAILER

• Nobody wants to be Alan Smithee

Resignation…

Defeat…

No fun at all.

When you see this name it speaks to a soul-sucking experience so bad that it caused the Director to take his name off the movie. I wanted to use Allen Smithee on Jane Doe. I had to be talked out of it. The experience pretty much put me off directing for years afterward. I have never written about it because…it’s over. That was then, this is now, and I’m actually ok with it.

But for posterity, for the greater good–Let’s open up this foul oyster, shall we? As the great writer once told me, listen to my advice, do the opposite, and things will work out fine.

• Saying No to Edie Falco

The greatest competition for any role I’ve written happened during Jane Doe, for the role of Jane.  Among those who auditioned were Missy Yager (Dead Man Walking), Adrienne Shelly (The Unbelievable Truth & Waitress) who died so senselessly in 2006…

And Edie Falco.

This was two years before The Sopranos and Edie was pretty much unknown. We met in a Lower East Side coffeehouse, had a very nice hour together, and went our separate ways. Truth is, she was never in the running. My brother, playing the lead and in all his genius, decided that he “didn’t have chemistry” with Edie. He was pushing his own choice, another relative unknown with only The Birdcage to her film credit–Calista Flockhart. This was about a year before she would break big with Ally McBeal. As he was pushing her, I was pushing a theater actress from Chicago who had just won multiple awards in another play of mine. The decision took days, through taped auditions, evaluations, call backs, re-evaluations. Calista ended up with the role, and though I never quite bought her as a heroine addict, she came through with a brave performance. Her soon-to-be fame was also responsible for putting our DVD four across at every Hollywood and Blockbuster video store in the country, Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood spots, and over two million in box office despite no reviews or theatrical release.

I always wonder what would have happened if we had chosen Edie. We lost touch very soon after that. Calista too. I doubt either of them would recognize me in a crowded elevator. And the life lesson is…?

Never burn a contact. Especially when she goes on to win three Golden Globes.

• Writing Cool Cameos, Then Burning the Contacts

Blink and you’ll miss Vinny Pastore, Big Pussy of Sopranos fame, in a single-scene as a deli manager. Blink again you’ll miss Arthur Nascarella, also of The Sopranos, as a philosophical craps instructor. Elena Lowensohn as Jane’s junkie friend. Elena was the lead vampire in Nadja, and sexy beyond belief. Don’t forget Richard Bright, who’s had critical moments as the third guy on the left in some of cinema’s greatest movies. He kills Fredo in Godfather 2 for fuck’s sake! He also holds down Dustin Hoffman in the famous “is it safe” dentist scene for Sir Lawrence Olivier in Marathon Man. Lastly, name the actor most famous according to IMDB ratings in Jane Doe? It’s NOT Calista Flockhart. Give up? There’s an almost inconsequential scene where Jane steals silk ties for Horace, her boyfriend. She fakes a fall to cover her theft. The man who picks her up? Ken Leung, who went on to fame as Miles Straume in Lost.

What’s my point? 1-Write cool cameos to snag some excellent actors. It’ll make the project stronger and may actually help when it comes to financing.

2-Stay in touch with them. 10+ years later, I’m out of touch with every one of these folks. Don’t let that happen. Relationships, folks, are where it’s at.

• Hiring an Entertainment Lawyer because he has really good pot

Our guy was sharp! Dude looked great on his 1997 Harley Ultra-Classic Electra Glide. He also had some deadly BUDDAGE. Purple intica, I believe,  the smoking of which, perhaps, played some small part in this woeful tale. Our kind bud-smoking, Harley-riding lawyer lead us into some contracts that we might–in retrospect–have wanted to think twice about. Pity, there is no retrospect. There are only losers who hire stoners to vet key documents, and those who don’t.

• Hiring a Director who has never set foot on a film set

Talk about high! The producers of Jane Doe decided, in all their wisdom, to yank me off the casino boat in Aurora, Illinois where I was happily dealing craps to slot-playing, hair-curlered, pajama-wearing degenerates at 2 in the morning, and put me in charge of a film set. I had never, EVER, stepped on a film set. Crazy! I was too ignorant to even question the logic of it and everyone else thought it was an inspired idea. I had written the play and screenplay, directing the play in Chicago. I had LIVED this story for God’s sake! I was eminently acquainted with Atlantic City, where we’d be shooting, also the seedy Jane Street meat-market neighborhood (it was seedy then). Why not give me a shot? Surround me with capable people, maybe catch lightning in a bottle with a first-timer.

Didn’t happen.

First-time directors need a strong AD(Assistant Director). I ended up with four AD’s during the 18-day shoot. The first one left before the shoot, finding a gig that paid better. Two others quit during the course of the daily pressures, overtime, and insanity of those happy 18 days.

How green was I? The night before the shoot my old man told me a director always wears a hat that speaks to his individuality. I actually went out and bought a hat! And not just a hat, one of those cheesy, jokey New York City tourist hats. Cringe-worthy, even thinking about it a decade later. Imagine being on the crew when this loser walks in for the first all-hands Production meeting.

I was the first-time director who just HAD to sleep in the rooming-house where my girlfriend and I once lived the night before the shoot, without a cellphone or any way to contact me, to channel the spirits and GET INSPIRED. The poor AD begged me, saying I really shouldn’t be out of touch on the eve of the production’s first shooting day. This was likely the same AD who attempted to reason with me during the shoot that the director between takes needs to be with either the actors or camera, not playing handball with the PA’s.

There is a such a thing as too much responsibility.  Before you take on the role of director, know that you can handle it.  There’s very little sadder than a director losing his set.

• The Curious Case of the Mysteriously Disappearing Budget

I was a goddamn craps dealer! What the hell did I know about budgeting for a movie? Not my job. I didn’t even think to ask if the production schedule was realistic. I left that decision to the powers-that-be. Surely they would know how long it would take to film every scene and work out a do-able shooting schedule.  We had 18 days, well over 100 scenes. Also, importantly, no rehearsal time. It would be left to the first-time time director to block out the scene on the spot in front of 15 or 20 people. This would be daunting enough, but throw in the ever-questioning Calista. She wanted to understand the motivations about her character’s heroin addiction, questioning how drug addiction takes a toll in real life, reminding me, correctly, that it wasn’t real life we were filming but a movie. All the while, tick tick tick. The relentless tick tick tick! The clock moving, money burning. Didn’t take long for the AD to begin poking my shoulder on an hourly basis, telling me we had to GO GO GO, that we wouldn’t make our day.

And we didn’t.

There wasn’t a single day of the 18 we made our day. Sure, you could attribute most of this to a clueless director. But a piece of it was poor scheduling in terms of shots and setups.

Guess what happens when you don’t make your day? You slash the script. “Ah, Paul, you know that 7-page scene Chris and Calista studied all last night? We have to cut it. Now you run up and tell her…” Watching your baby hacked by a machete-wielding producer…something to be avoided, good people.

Work with a real budget and shooting schedule.

Don’t, and fall into the abyss of obscurity.

NOTE: Have a terrific holidays, folks. Heading to the Big Apple to see the family, I’ll return January 1, refreshed and re-energized, ready for year 3 at Script Gods. I’ll have some news for you then about a pair of movies in the works. In the meantime, stay positive, and stay vigilant (see below). See ya in 2012….

10 ESSENTIAL steps of HIGHLY-SUCCESSFUL screenwriters!

Killer Loglines! 30 seconds to CHA-CHING!

10 BLOCKBUSTER Story Techniques!

10 Techniques you MUST know to be a pro!

20 Screenwriting Success Secrets that will enable you to EFFORTLESSLY sell your screenplays, become magnetic to agents and managers, and help you become ‘the next great voice’ in Hollywood even if you live nowhere near Los Angeles!

• Those who can’t write, teach seminars.

This one will be tricky.

Yeah, I’m a teacher, and a screenwriting consultant, one of THEM. How the fuck can I throw rocks at glass houses? The stones on this guy!

Let’s find some context, ok? Long ago I said I would pack up this blog before I ever tried to bullshit you folks. Of course I shouldn’t say this, but fuck it…the money I make on this site beats digging ditches but it’s not freeing me for retirement in Costa Rica any time soon. I created Script Gods to pass along some knowledge, fight the good fight, make a few gherkins, but not free myself. How many people you hear make millions from blogging? Doesn’t happen, not here anyhow. When this gets old, I’ll pack it up, end of story.

Until then, let me say: There are some slick operators out there feeding you misinformation. And not just some. Take a moment to punch in Screenwriting Consultants into Google. How many pages do you see?  Scroll all the way down.

87 pages! Multiplied by 10 entries per page= A shitload of screenwriting experts!

What does that tell you? Tells me there’s money in the game. Tells me you don’t need a diploma or credentials or even to had a movie made to call yourself a screenwriting consultant.

Tells me that you folks need to watch your asses, because you’re vulnerable. You want it to happen. You believe in your projects. Writing isn’t tiling a bathroom. This script is a piece of you, almost like a child. You want the best for it. You might be willing to pay an expert for advise. Of course you’ll check the screenwriting message boards, check sites for recommendations, maybe even look to Creative Screenwriting for their Best Of series.

Better than I have already commented on this subject. Craig Mazon at artfulwriter.com talked about wasting people’s time. Chad Gerivch at scriptmag.com discussed not using a script service. The King of all bloggers, John August, outright told you those who can’t write teach seminars.

Before I give my $60 or $250 notes to people, I make sure they understand that I’m only one opinion. They won’t agree with everything I say, that’s a given. The question is how many of the notes can actually be used. If the writer takes 5 of 10 of my notes, I’d consider that money well spent.

Here’s another tidbit you won’t not hear from the Script Gurus: Who the hell are we, anyhow? Self-appointed experts commenting on someone else’s creativity.

Punch my name in on Google search and I do ok, but go to IMDB and the output ain’t exactly epic. What qualifies me to judge you AT ALL?

First thing I’d do in your shoes—go to IMDB to check the consultant’s credits. Have you ever noticed: The slicker the website, the fewer writing credits the guru seems to have. When you go to a site like Inktip or ScriptShark or any of the other thousand sites, do due diligence. When Inktip directs you to their Facebook page where 100+ movies they developed have been made, go to the page. Ever heard of even ONE of them? Not sayin’ they all suck, I’m just sayin’…

Get past the slick site and promises, see if there’s any substance or accountability. Here at Script Gods, when you send me an email I answer it, usually the same day. You know who’s reviewing your script. When we talk on the telephone, there’s a one-on-one connection.

I would love to watch each self-proclaimed expert stand before an audience of beginning writers to answer why, with all these years in the biz, they find themselves telling others how to make a living in movies instead of making that living themselves.

Let the credit-quoting and name-dropping commence.

And now, without further ado, your trombone lesson…

1. TRIUMPH OVER ADVERSITY

• 2. FAMILY IS WHERE YOU FIND IT

• 3.DIFFERENCE IS UNIVERSAL

• 4.OPEN YOUR HEART: TOLERANCE WILL TEACH US ALL

• 5.BE YOURSELF, FIND YOURSELF: DON’T COMPROMISE YOUR INTEGRITY

• 6. JUST DO IT: TAKE ACTION, MOVE ON, MAKE THE TOUGH CHOICE

• 7.DREAM THE DREAM: DON’T SETTLE, RAISE THE BAR, AIM HIGH

• 8. BUILD IT, AND THEY WILL COME

• 9.WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS: LIFE IS HARD, BUT WE CAN GET THROUGH IT…

• 10.DON’T MESS WITH MOTHER NATURE

• 11.THERE’S HOPE, BUT NOT WHERE YOU THINK IT IS

• 12.LOVE HURTS, LOVE SAVES, LOVE TRANSFORMS

• 13.REVENGE IS ALL CONSUMING

• 14.ABSOLUTELY POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY

When do you give up on a screenplay?

When is your belief in the script optimism?

When is it delusion?

You’ve been working on this…THING..for weeks, months, shit, maybe even years. You do what the experts recommend: Gather critiques, rewrite, send it out, rejection, more rewriting, send it out again, more rejection. It’s sitting there on your computer and you know you need to make changes but…it’s reached the point where you can’t even look at the damn script. You are utterly and totally exhausted! And not one scintilla closer to getting the thing made, that’s the crusher. The WGA, the 6-figure sale, launching the successful career you told your dad about as he wrote those $20,000 checks for Columbia Film & Video school–ain’t happening.

You want to hang it up. Not just the one script, but maybe the whole mess. I mean, how many screenwriters actually make a living at it anyhow?

You tried, you really did. You bang away at the front door of the Country Club but  nobody takes notice. There’s a sign: DO NOT ENTER- THIS MEANS YOU, JACK! You recall Dorothy Parker: I hate writing. I love having written. Or maybe Tom Petty: The waiting is the hardest part. Time is passing, nothing happens.

Worse than nothing…you’ve heard back from the world at large through screenwriting contests, query letters, manager inquiries, the responses kinda suck. Cryptic reader notes from Page or Austin, generic rejection slips from boutique agencies, no response at all from the bigger joints. Perfection is the sound of Hollywood rejection: Silence.

Maybe you’ve done ok…got Quarters at Nicholl, pitched a concept at Pitchfest and got some response from an agent. You’ve given it to friends and got excellent feedback, ran it through your screenwriting group, vetted it and rewrote, sent it out again and made the Finalist round at the SouthWest Panhandle State Screenwriting Competition, all of which has lead you…nowhere. Not one scintilla closer…

And the years are passing…

Is it worth it? How can you know?

If I’ve depressed you so far, let me just say this: Contrary to what the Country Club gatekeepers would tell you…your time does have value. And here’s another tidbit: There are some things you can control in the process.

I have endeavored here at Script Gods to show multiple paths toward seeing your vision made. Overly simplistic as it might be, there are other paths beside beating your head to a bloody pulp against the front door. You need to be a student of how other people are getting their screenplays read, and their movies made.

I’ve had excellent students who worked for months on a script, submitted it to Nicholl, didn’t make it past the first round and never recovered from the rejection. Two points here: 1-If you pack your writing tent that quickly after a single rejection, well, it might be for the best. You were never a writer in the first place. Screenwriting demands discipline. If you’re writing for the screen you will be critiqued and you will rewrite, perpetually, endlessly, and not always paid for your efforts. This is not a poem, it’s not a play. Unless you’re writing the check to make the movie, you don’t get to decide when the script is done. Deal with it.

2-What strikes me as delusional, or downright ABSURD, is that you would let some person you’ve never met, whose qualifications cannot be verified–a screenplay contest reader, an agent’s assistant, a manager’s just-out-of-college gopher–pronounce judgement over whether the script you just worked eight months on, is GOOD or BAD? What does that mean? Pure subjective opinion, end of story. Why would you let a single person, or even a hundred people, stop you? Don’t toss in. Instead, think about alternatives to the front door of the Country Club. You want in, period. Is there a back door to the joint?

This discussion, at bottom, is pointless. If you want to pack up your script, or even your attempt at a career as a writer, do it. No one but yourself should decide that. Put the script on the shelf and let it sit there. Come back to it later, or never come back to it. The decision is yours.

Don’t ever let the bastards tell you no.

Recently at a Meetup.com group here in Chicago, I was asked to give a down and dirty format lecture in about 55 minutes. Lightning round stuff, I barely had enough caffeine in my system to make it through.

Concerning format, the first three words out of my mouth are The Screenwriter’s Bible, by Dave Trottier. How the hell y’gonna beat it? I thought I knew everything there was to know about the subject but Dave’s has some chapters in there I never even conceived (how do you write sci-fi telepathic dialogue, for instance?) After this there are multiple resources online I like including johnaugust.com.

Not completely against self-promotion, early on here at SCRIPT GODS I had about 15 or so posts on format, which can be found easily scrolling to the posts of January through May 2010.

This post is a recap of the Meetup.com lecture. I’ll include links to the previous format lectures. Hope it helps.

• FORMATTING, THE NOT SO SEXY SCIENCE

Format isn’t sexy. Your story needs to be original, not the formatting. Format is, almost by definition, conformity. Screenplays need to look a certain way, run a certain number of pages, and obey basic rules that the powers-that-be want obeyed. Why would you want to mess with format and piss off the powers-that-be? Anger them at your peril. For me, the true battle with format is the keep technical jargon to a minimum. You want the reader see your movie, not labor through reading a script.

• ACTION LINE BASICS

If your action lines go past five lines you’re being a pain in the ass. I know, you can go to Drew’s Script O Rama right now and find a dozen scripts where writers routinely go beyond five lines per paragraph. I ask you to use common sense. See through the reader’s eyes. Would you rather read a 90 page script with lean, mean description of two or three lines per scene, or 117 pages of endless blocks of Velveeta cheese description that begs the tired eyes of the reader to SKIP IT. And believe me, they will…skip it. They are looking for any excuse to pass on your project. Your Velveeta blocks are the justification.Where the camera naturally cuts, give white space, go to the next paragraph.

Try to keep your description tight. Don’t try to be the production designer and describe every piece of furniture in a Starbucks as a character rolls through for a coffee. I DON’T CARE! Caution too, along with unnecessary detail, is doing the director’s job by including any sort of shot detail. Not your job. While you’re at it, skip the parentheticals. It’s not your responsibility to give the actors line readings. Just get to the story.

Characters get CAPPED the first time we see them. If it’s the protagonist or key secondary character, give short descriptions. Go past JIM, 34, wears jeans…anybody can write that. You have to do better, go further. Get to the visual essence of the character, like this one from BAD SANTA:

• MONTAGE VS. SERIES OF SHOTS

The difference is subtle. Series of shots plays out over a shorter period of time. Montage can play out over a long night, or over a full lifetime. Either can go in parenthesis beside the slugline, like this:

Or on a separate action, like this:

You don’t want constant sluglines. It’s part of the technical scriptwriting that you want to minimize. Cut out the technical jargon to the best of your ability by using devices like Intercuts and Crosscutting. Here’s how a telephone conversation would look…establish both locations, then use INTERCUT:

Final Draft or Movie Magic are industry standard software. Celtx.com has a free version of Final Draft, buggy but usable. Word is unacceptable.

Cover Pages have TITLE by YOU and CONTACT INFO below. They do not have WGA registration number and should probably not have your home phone number. No cover art, no fancy fonts, bound by two brads top and bottom of three-hole punch paper.

Final Draft software pull down menu has a couple options I never use: GENERAL and SHOT. It has TRANSITION, which I rarely use (the FADES, but never CUT TO). You will use the SCENE HEADING, CHARACTER, ACTION and DIALOGUE almost exclusively. Even then, eventually you’ll use it like Word in the sense of tabbing to the exact spot on the page where the software automatically puts it. Notice I left out PARENTHETICAL. I wish you would too.

Every scene begins with a SCENE HEADING, also called a SLUG LINE. This is three parts: INT. or EXT. (Interior or Exterior). Then the location: BAR, CAR, HIGHWAY, APARTMENT. Then the time: DAY, NIGHT, LATER, SAME, CONTINUOUS always worked best for me. So it would look like: INT. BAR- NIGHT or EXT. HIGHWAY- CONTINUOUS.

Use ellipses and dashes. Three dots = pause. Two dashes = interuption.  Why use a parenthetical (pause) or (beat) or (interuption) when you don’t have to?

Don’t write in specific songs unless you can pay for them. It’s not Muddy Waters plays on the jukebox, it’s BLUES MUSIC.

Use O.S. when a character is in the room but the camera isn’t on them. Use V.O. when the character isn’t there.

Foreign languages should be done in the action paragraph: In Mandarin, with English subtitles. Then roll the dialogue in English.

Ideal Screenplay length: Drama: 90-110 pages. Comedy: 90-100 pages.

• LASTLY

I occasionally hear it from 19 year-olds in the hallways of Columbia: “I’m good with format, I’ve got Final Draft.” Sorry to tell ya, but uh-uh, wrong. You having screenwriting software doesn’t mean you’ve got formatting down any more than buying the Avid system makes you an editor or buying a 16-wheeler makes you a trucker. You’ve got to learn the craft.

Don’t let a reader ignore the four months you took to write a killer story because you didn’t know how to format. Get to work, get it down, then move on to the bigger battle of story.

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.” -Erma Bombeck

It’s Thanksgiving week, and as with many holiday scenarios, my own Thanksgiving will be spent with family and friends.

In my case, actually, ex-family. I spend the holidays with my brother’s ex-wife’s family.

Huh?

Being as I live in Chicago, it’s been convenient through the years to head up to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving. Quick 90-minute car ride, nice scenery. Those folks always liked me more than my brother, even when he was still married to their daughter.

We’re Packer fans, you see…

Here is a list of my Top 10 Thanksgiving movies. If you’ve missed one of these, maybe while you’re recovering from the tryptophan high of dark meat, mashed potatoes, yams with marshmallows, cranberry sauce and all the rest of it, you can catch one of these….

HONORABLE MENTION:

• 11.THANKSKILLING

“A demonic turkey is unleashed…and he’s one fowl-mouthed bastard! Five college kids: a jock, a good girl, an overweight red-neck, a slut, and a nerd head home for Thanksgiving break, each thankful for the chance of holiday hookups. But when their car suddenly overheats, they trespass into the woods for a night of drinking and bonfire debauchery. Little do they know, these are the same woods where an ancient turkey was necromanced 386 years ago by an Indian curse after the very first Thanksgiving. Now, The Killer Turkey is awakened and ready for revenge on the first white men he comes in contact with!”

Now THAT’S a concept! Tha-tha-that’s entertainment!

• 10: SON-IN-LAW

As good as it got for Pauly Shore, the family Thanksgiving dinner is proceeded with the immortal words, “Let’s munch some grindage!”

• 9: PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES

John Hughes is for the ages. John Candy, also gone. They are missed. I’ve seen this and Weird Science about 20 times. An advertising executive who just wants to fly home to spend Thanksgiving with his family is stuck with a loud but lovable salesman during an unbelievable succession of blizzards, transfers, strikes, and delays. The Citizen Kane of Thanksgiving movies.

• 8: HANNAH AND HER SISTERS

Woody Allen’s 1986 drama about three sisters. The film’s set piece is Thanksgiving, where Hannah’s (Mia Farrow) clan gathers together in a tremendous Central Park West apartment for the holiday celebration. Hearts are broken and mended, everybody talks way too much, a typical Woody Allen drama, but one of this best.

• 7: THE ICE STORM

NOT a popcorn movie. Totally depressing, actually. But with a couple scenes that can match any movie. I’m talking about the swinging 70′s key party, and the tragic climax coming down on Thanksgiving Day. Starring Kevin Kline, Joan Allen, Sigourney Weaver, and young rising stars Tobey Maguire, Elijah Wood and Christina Ricci.

• 6: A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING

It’s the holidays, it’s Charlie Brown, what more do you need to know?

• 5: SCENT OF A WOMAN

Hoping to earn extra money over the Thanksgiving break, an innocent and reserved scholarship student at an exclusive prep school agrees to look after a blind, retired Lieutenant Colonel, who takes him off for a wild weekend in New York City. Has the famous Pacino dance scene at the end.

• 4:NOBODY’S FOOL

Maybe my favorite Paul Newman flick in his later years. Earned him an Oscar nomination. His character is an old codger who takes no shit from anyone. Set in and around Thanksgiving.

• 3:THE HOUSE OF YES

Parker Posey won a Special Recognition award at the 1997 Sundance Film Festival for her out-of-control eccentric performance as Jackie-O. Truly warped in her pill-box hats, flying into a rage when her incestuous relationship is challenged as her older brother (Josh Hamilton) brings home a girlfriend (Tori Spelling) for Thanksgiving.

• 2:THE NEW WORLD

Terrence Malick takes his time unfolding this new take on the Pocahontas story. Some people don’t have the patience for Malick. I’m not one of them. This is pure poetry.

• 1:PIECES OF APRIL

Can cute, edgy Katie Holmes really cook a turkey? Mrs. Tom Cruise plays the black sheep of her family, working to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner for the clan in her tiny apartment with a broken stove. How can Mrs. Tom Cruise be the star of my favorite Thanksgiving movie? I don’t know, but she is. This movie packed a punch when I first saw it almost a decade ago, and still does. Check it out if you haven’t yet.

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”-John Fitzgerald Kennedy

If I want to learn to build a cabinet, I’ll probably look for a craftsman who actually builds cabinets, not the fellow skilled in talking about building them, or talking about people he knows who build cabinets who he can connect you to if you buy his book, take his online class, sign up for his traveling seminar, or just buy him another shot of Jim Beam.

While I’ve never been a GIANT CONCEPT guy (as my bank balance can attest) I do write screenplays, have been paid for that service, and have made a couple movies from those scripts. Alas, I’m not in the same league as the guys who founded Wordplayer.com.

Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot are the writers of Pirates Of The Caribbean. Billion-dollar franchise. Theme-park ride. Tell me: What do you do when they make a theme park ride out of your movie? How do you follow it up? Meet the Pope?

Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot had  a long writing history before Pirates. Their filmography is ridiculous. When they established the Wordplayer site they did break-in screenwriters a huge service.  Begin at the Site Map. Note: The site has seen better days. Not many recent updates, but I’m still recommending it because of the vast archive of information.

Check out the Forums, the Hall Of Fame. Many posts are out of date, like these posts from David Hoag: How I Got Agents Chasing After Me Like Lusty Dogs (scroll down to Hoag) and I Never Queried, I Schemed. Written in 1999, how relevant can they be for 2011? You be the judge:

“I never queried. I wanted to stand out. I had too much chutzpah to ask anyone for something. I schemed so they’d ask me. It’s better to have someone come to you, than to go to someone hat in hand.

Some people got press releases. Most people got “announcements” that looked like they came from a third party but not put any contact info — that would get my name out there in the ether and force people to ask other people about me, creating a buzz.

Then I would also do things like have a friend (a starving actor) call a particular agent at, say, UTA and say he was “Ed Brown in Scott Rudin’s office. We’re trying to get a copy of this script by David Hoag. Are you representing him now? Can you have the script ready by two? We’ll send our courier right away. Scott wants it covered tonight.”

Of course they’d say no, they didn’t represent me, but they’d want to know who David Hoag was after my friend tried to get the assistant to give him my number (as if they would have it, not knowing me at all!). The assistant would want to know who I was when “Ed” kept fishing for details about me, insinuating the assistant was holding out on him. My friend would say something like, “He has two scripts in the Nicholl finals or something. Everybody over here is trying to get a copy of one of the scripts. It’s very hot, we hear. [Name deleted] at [company deleted] said you were signing him, but then [name deleted] at [company deleted] said [another agent] at APA was signing him. I’m so confused. Well, thanks for your help. Would you call me if you get a copy?” Then my friend would leave a number for Scott Rudin’s office! We didn’t know anybody there! It was all a scam!

Within two or three days, I’d then get a call from UTA, asking if they could get a copy of my script. They would send a courier over right away…

Moviemaking is about creating illusions. Screenwriting is about creating illusions. It’s not always on the printed page, however.”

Also, check out the Columns. One of my all-time favs is The Off-Screen Movie:

“Director Jan De Bont was the first person Ted and I heard talk about the idea of ‘the off-screen movie.’ We were working page-by-page through our GODZILLA script (the good one, I daresay; not the one that was eventually filmed) and Jan was very focused on which scenes could be left off-screen, which could be trimmed down, and which scenes had to be shot. He was hyper-aware of distances to be traveled during cutaways, what people might figure out in the time they had, what actions they could take while other scenes were going on, etc.
At the time I put it down to the natural way a director would analyze a script — breaking it down for production, trying to save money by shooting only what was necessary. I knew the general rule of ‘Enter a scene as late as possible, leave it as early as possible.’ What Jan was doing seemed like a logical way to keep interest in the story — cut out the dull parts, and leave only the good stuff to be seen.
That’s true, as far as it goes. But there’s more to the off-screen movie than that…

“#3. FOOT LEATHER
Might as well get this one out of the way; it’s the easy one.
Simply put, the off-screen movie is a great place to leave boring stuff; what Jeffrey Katzenberg calls ‘shoe leather.’ Animation is so expensive, you want to get to the heart of a scene quickly; you simply can’t afford to draw filler.
Go ahead and cut driving, parking, opening and closing doors, walking up and ringing the doorbell, shaking hands, saying hello, getting invited inside, sitting down… you get the idea.
A show that does this masterfully is “Law & Order.” They’re expert at cutting from a story revelation into the next logical scene, usually mid-interview with a witness, responding to a question asked ‘off-screen.’
I find it actually more difficult to justify a cut out of a scene than into the next; you can’t always cue the cut with a dialogue line. Most scenes need to be at least somewhat incomplete in order to propel the story; one fights the impulse to make each scene individually satisfying, rather than let scenes service the overall story.
The challenge, too, is to go where the audience wants to be, not where you need them to be. One technique is to clue the audience that they’re not going to miss anything important by cutting away…

“#5. SURPRISES, TWISTS, REVEALS
Okay, here is where the off-screen movie really shines. In order to have surprises, twists and reveals in your story, you must hide stuff off-screen for a period of time.
When you think about it, the process of moving events from the unknown to the known, the unfolding story over time, is the essence of the narrative form — and perhaps intrinsic to the human condition. We live our lives information-deficient, afraid of the unknown thing in the jungle, but the storyteller is there to help us out. He lets us tap into knowledge from the past, distant experiences and the experiences of others — all sorts of stuff ‘off-screen’ — through the magic of story.
In the course of doing this, the storyteller keeps secrets. He holds surprises, twists and reveals, turning them over in due time, to maximum effect…”

Other archived articles I’d recommend: Death To Readers, Your First Contract, and 23 Steps To A Feature Film Sale.

When the guys who wrote Pirates Of The Caribbean jot down a  23-step guide to break into the biz, yeah, I’ll take the time to read that.

The last great resource they have are multiple articles written by INDY PROS, including this one by Max Adams on Writer Speak vs. Mogul Speak:

“Writers and “movie makers” speak different languages. If you don’t know this, it can get surreal holding a conversation with someone who is using writer terms, but is not a writer, because you are both using the same terms, you are simply using them to mean different things. I’ll give you an example:
When writers talk about tone — it is wistful, it is dark, it is suspenseful, it is eerie — writers tend to describe work in terms of an emotion evoked by the piece. They are telling you the flavor of the piece in their heads, in an emotional context.
When a movie maker asks you tone, like an executive or a producer, and this applies to agents too, they mean, “What movie that made a lot of money at the box office is this like?”
If you don’t know this, it is going to be hard to sell any pitches because a studio executive will ask you about tone and he will want to hear it is “Men In Black” in tone, while you will be saying, “It is suspenseful and fun.”
This one miscommunication probably cost me five pitches. They were really good projects, too. I just didn’t know what the hell I was doing. An executive would ask me, “what is the tone of the movie?” I would say, “it is dark and wistful and kind of fast paced.” The executive would say, “That’s great, but can you tell me the tone?” I would say, (looking at the executive like he was from Planet Zorg), “Um, sure, it’s dark and bittersweet and moves real fast.” And the executive would say, “That’s great, um, um, well I’ll get back to you.” And we would both walk out of the meeting wondering what the hell the other person was talking about.
I think this is one reason many writers think studio people are completely stupid and unsane. (Okay, some studio people are completely stupid and unsane, but not all of them.) “Why the hell do they keep asking the same question after I already told them?” Well, because you are speaking a language they don’t understand, and vice versa…”