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Format: 7: Ellipses & Dashes
Feb 26th, 2010 by paul peditto

Use two dashes for interruption:

TERRY

Listen to me, Margot--

MARGOT

No, you listen!

Use three dots for pauses in dialogue. This is an imperfect system, but an improvement over the bland PAUSE or BEAT in screen direction.

WALLY

Dad, I’ve kept something from you for a long time. And...I just can’t any more. I...I have to tell you... I’m a Green Bay Packers fan!

DOUBLE-DASHES:

Another stylistic choice for screen direction is the double-dash. You’ll often see this, for instance, from Reindeer Games:

The ugly staffer curls his lip. Nick smiles. Rudy moves on, taking his tray off the rail and turning--right into the chest of The Alamo. He looks up--into the most scarred and vengeful face a man could ever dread to see. The Alamo’s a lifer. Many times over.

Dashes can also be within the body of the screen direction paragraph, stylistically adding space, to give the feeling of movement, of speed. For instance, from Constantine:

John quickly wraps the cloth tight around his hand. Angela spins, eyes seeing only darkness as the sounds get CLOSER -- ghastly sound of MOVEMENT in the fringes of light.

The cross now resembles a dying wire filament and with every second the circle of light gets smaller and those SOUNDS GET CLOSER. John takes out his special lighter.

JOHN

Close your eyes.

They are now standing in pitch darkness.

ANGELA

Why?

JOHN

Suit yourself.

John flicks the lighter and in one powerful motion --sweeps his arm up as he lights his hand. Sacred cloth catches fire -- then IGNITES with a brilliant retina-searing FLASH -- blinding Angela and illuminating a ---- CIRCLE OF WINGED DEMONS -- a roiling broth of reptilian death -- right there -- ready to pounce.

Format: 6: Intercuts
Feb 19th, 2010 by paul peditto

There are two uses for INTERCUT. The first is:

THE TELEPHONE CONVERSATION:

Establish the first location, establish the second, and then INTERCUT between them:

INT. JOHN BOEHNER HOME- NIGHT

Boehner looks on as a TV plays his news conference from earlier in the day. The phone rings, he picks up.

INT. JOHN MCCAIN HOME- SAME

McCain on the phone, watching the same TV broadcast.

MCCAIN

You watching this?

INTERCUT MCCAIN/BOEHNER HOMES

MCCAIN

They’re calling us obstructionists, nay sayers!

BOEHNER

The party of no, what else is new?

MCCAIN

Oh Christ, Olbermann again. The guy is a whacko. How do we spin this, John? How about getting the governors to not take stimulus money?

BOEHNER

John, even for you, that’s a pretty dumb idea.

MCCAIN

Oh really? Well, what’s your plan?

BOEHNER

I’m thinking: Order in. Dominos, maybe some Family Guy I TIVO’ed. Can’t get enough of Quagmire. He breaks me up, for some odd reason.

MCCAIN

You’re going to watch Family Guy while this country is burning? While we as a nation are at the shithouse door? Can I come over?

BOEHNER

No.

Set up both locations, intercut, and roll the dialogue. This lets the director decide which end of the phone conversation we’re seeing. To write in slugline after slugline takes the reader out of the flow. Remember, the reader is reading a movie, not a script.

One more note on phone conversations: With all respect to Phone Booth, holding on one-side of a phone conversation for very long is static, non-visual stuff. The recent use of texting in The Departed was well done, but extensive use of telephones is tricky to pull off visually.

Speaking of Phone Booth, here’s what a one-sided phone conversation looks like.

Then he starts to vacate the booth.  The phone rings.  And rings.  Curious, he picks up the receiver.  There’s a voice on the other end of the line.  A DISTINCTIVE MALE VOICE.

VOICE

Don’t even think about leaving that booth.

STU

What?

VOICE

Stay exactly where you are and listen carefully.

STU

I’ve got a heavy day, mister.

VOICE

You know better than to disobey me.

STU

I don’t know you at all.

VOICE

Are you absolutely sure?

STU

Who is this?

VOICE

Someone who’s watching you.

STU

Get lost!

VOICE

Love the gray suit.  That red andblack tie makes a nice combination.

Stu is taken back by the accurate description of his apparel. He looks around nervously.

The second use of INTERCUT is between scenes. Establish the first location, the second location, and then INTERCUT (or CROSSCUT). This also works for multiple locations in rapid-fire continuous action. Here’s an example from my screenplay, Crossroaders:

INT. CASINO- GAME 6- NIGHT

The dealer spreads out the new cards. Supervisors check for imperfections. Christy doesn’t watch, hungrily chewing a pastrami sandwich.

Lucky Nick, sweating as he looks at Christy, mumbles various obscenities.

SLOT AREA

Frank taking his frustration out on a slot machine, pulls too hard, hurting himself.

LOUNGE AREA

Susie takes off her wig, all pretenses gone, Wes and Sculley likewise undisguised, likewise in shock.

GAME 6

The dealer finishes the shuffle, and is abruptly tapped out. A BIG-GAME DEALER steps in. Pale features, coldly efficient and mechanical, offering Christy the cut.

CHRISTY

(to the dealer)

Good luck.

No response. The new dealer spooks Christy, who buries the cut card.

A huge crowd pushes in, casino supervisors and the crossroaders surround Christy and the dealer, ready to play blackjack at ,000 a hand.

INTERCUT--ALL (TIME LAPSE)

Christy playing the first hand, losing.

Wes and Susie, digging in for the long haul, watching in an overhead mirror.

Cards ebb and flow, Christy wins, loses.

Lucky Nick downing stomach tablets, feeling ill.

Frank downing antacid tablets, feeling the same.

Lee and Gino studying Christy.

The dealer shuffling a second time, a third, without a word to Christy.

Christy battling, playing magnificently.

More cards ebb and flow, Christy wins, loses, and loses.

The crowd reacts with GROANS.

Christy wipes away sweat, coming down to earth.

Ditch sluglines for INTERCUT. It’s a more efficient way to navigate the script, and will lead to an easier read.

INTERCUT is also at the heart of suspense, crosscutting between two scenes, or pursuer and pursued, as in The Fugitive:

INT. FEDERAL LOCKUP – STAIRWELL -- DAY

Kimble descending. Doors open and close throughout the stairwell but the traffic is light...

INTERCUT WITH... GERARD – Climbing the stairs. He reaches a landing -- and skims shoulders with Kimble, who pivots past on his way down.

Amazingly, neither man reacts. Not yet.

One flight above, Gerard’s subconscious taps him on the shoulder and brings him to a dead stop. He leans over the stairwell railing to spy... Kimble spiraling downward. From this vantage, it could be any dark-haired man. But still...

GERARD

(a quick probe)

Kimble.

Others look up out of curiosity... but not Kimble. Two landings below, he falters a step, then tries to regain his step, keeps moving.

But Gerard is pulling his Glock: The hitch in Kimble’s stride told him everything.

GERARD

Kimble!

Kimble blitzes down the stairs. Gerard moves after him.

Lastly, you can use INTERCUT to simply break away from the first scene, as in American Gangster:

INT/EXT. REDTOP’S APARTMENT BUILDING – HARLEM – DAY

Frank leads his brothers up the stairs and down the hall.

FRANK

Nobody owns me. Because I own my company.

INTERCUT: Feminine hands stamp small packets of blue cellophane with the words ‘Blue Magic’ --

FRANK

And my company sells a product that’s better than the competition’s at a price that’s lower.

Format: 5: Character Introductions & Descriptions
Feb 13th, 2010 by paul peditto

First time a character is seen, capitalize the name, whether they speak or not. If they are important characters give them a description.

Characters do not get names unless they impact story. Limit the number of character names the reader must remember, at the top of movie especially. Only give names to characters that appear in multiple scenes.

Be descriptive with No-Name characters: Creepy Backrub Guy, Sumo Waiter, etc. One of my students recently gave me a memorable one: Potential Skank 1. One imagines the auditions…

The writer Bruce Vilanch once said something in one of my classes that resonated. When you describe your lead character, the star vehicle, you’ve got to imagine someone of star magnitude reading it, and reading the description of their character. Protagonist/antagonist descriptions should be worked. Describe the visible essence of the character.

Here’s a post that speaks to this, from the excellent www.johnaugust.com, one of the best blogs on screenwriting.

http://johnaugust.com/archives/2007/how-to-introduce-character

Vividly introducing characters will help take your writing to the next level. Anyone can describe a character as in their 30’s, wearing jeans. When reading scripts for my clients, I look for visible essence, as in this example from Bad Santa:

A wiry, hard-bitten, sun-baked saddlebag of a man, GIN SLAGEL sits behind his cluttered desk sucking on a filterless Pall Mall. We can hear his in-taken breath rattling over and around the phlegm, growths, and polyps that line his embattled trachea. His words come out on an exhaled cloud chamber’s worth of smoke:

GIN

“Fuck stick”?

Great adjective choices, specificity even on the cigarette he smokes. Totally visual. Let’s try one more, from Assassins:

INT. INTERNATIONAL TERMINAL – DAY 17

Tired travelers trudge, clogs the concourse.  But one man moves briskly.  Singular of purpose.  Dressed stylishly, we don’t quite see his face.  He’s BAIN, a presence, and for whatever reason, no one ever seems to be in his way.

Short but sweet. Makes you wonder what his “purpose” is or why “no one ever seems to be in his way.” This is what you want from your own writing. Tease the reader; make them want to turn the page.

You can also introduce characters through their surroundings, as in Croupier:

INT. JACK’S BASEMENT FLAT – SITTING ROOM -  DAY

The untidy evidence. To the accompaniment of the music, a discordant version, three dog-eared copies of ‘The Invention Of The Wheel’, A Novel by JACK MANFRED. Worn furniture. A pile of literary magazines. Two elegantly arranged vases of flowers.  Women’s fashion magazines. Books everywhere, including ‘Scarne on Gambling’, ‘The Education of A Poker Player’, ‘Delta of Venus’ and other books by Anais Nin. A woman’s dress, back from the cleaners. A framed etching of Cape Town, South Africa, in the eighteenth century. Finally...Beneath the iron barred window, with a view of the iron steps down from the street, JACK sits at the dining table. In front of him is a word processor. He toys with a glass of vodka, smoking a Gitane, and leafing through a soccer fan magazine. He starts to touch-type, looking at the screen, not the keyboard. Words appear, letter by letter... THE BALL... A NOVEL... BY JACK MANFRED. He pauses to drink.

The art in character introductions is knowing when you have too much of a good thing. Look at this example from 15 Minutes:

INT. P.B. HERMAN’S RESTAURANT – DAY

The place is empty except for one table at the end of the bar.  EDDIE FLEMMING, Manhattan’s most famous detective, and his savvy, black partner, LEON JACKSON are having cocktails. Eddie is smoothly handsome, tough, smart and tired.  Not only is he the best homicide detective Manhattan has ever seen, he’s continually mentioned in New York columns and has been the subject of several magazine articles.  There’s even been a TV movie about one of his biggest cases.  Leon has been with Eddie a long time and was also featured in the TV movie.

Sitting with Eddie and Leon is ROBERT HAWKINS, host and star reporter for the tabloid show, “Top Story.”  Hawkins is also the best in the business and has dealt with them all: Joey Buttafuco and Amy Fisher, Lorena Bobbitt and OJ.

Wait staff bustles in the b.g. doing the morning set up. Hawkins listens as Eddie, cigar in hand, finishes a “war story” and a vodka tonic at the same time.

The camera can see “Eddie is smoothly handsome, tough, smart and tired.” The camera cannot see “continually mentioned in New York columns and has been subject of several magazine articles.” You’re telling me something the camera can’t see. How can I know, visually, that Hawkins “has dealt with them all…”? You can cheat, yes, but there is a fine balance between implied description and telling. For my money, this example goes too far.

One last point on this subject: Object Lesson 7: A pro gets away with murder. You won’t.

It’s frustrating to go to Drew’s Script-O-Rama and read scripts that break every rule in the book. So how far can you push it, yet keep within the bounds of “acceptable” formatting? Let’s look at a character description from Light Sleeper:

JOHN LETOUR, forty, light sleeper. Never meant to be a drug dealer, it just came along. He’s been other things: messenger boy, cab driver, model, postal clerk, doorman, nightclub shill -- never meant to be them either. Now he’s a D.D. Drug dealer.

JOHN LETOUR, well-groomed, khaki slacks, leather jacket, tippet-like scarf, belt pouch, “Beatle” boots, a shadow drifting in and out of other shadows, New York, day, night: watching, listening, rarely speaking -- nonexistent, seen only by those he sees. His face an affable blank. Make of it what you will. The eyes flicker; the hands shift discreetly. A map of calculation. Once he had a drug problem. Life turned a page. Today he follows instructions: he sleeps light -- one eye open, anticipating.

JOHN LETOUR, D.D., loner, voyeur, has been drifting toward an unknown destination. At mid-life the destination draws near. The circle tightens. The dealer is anxious. The destination is love.

The voice is Paul Schrader (Taxi Driver), one of the great screenwriters. His character description is poetry. Contrary to the “just tell me who’s in the shot and what’s happening” advocates, I will say there is a place for poetry in screenplays. If you’re writing like this the chances are good you will eventually separate from the crowd. Yet, look at the above example: Half of it, at least, cannot be seen by the camera. One could argue that passages like “drifting toward an unknown destination…” and “The destination is love” don’t belong. Camera can’t see ‘em, so out they come, right?

Descriptions like this are the art of screenwriting. This is what will separate you—knowing when and how to break the rules, and having the writing chops to break them like nobody else.

Format: 4: The Velvetta Cheese Rule
Feb 5th, 2010 by paul peditto

“Keep your screen direction tight!” “Don’t overwrite!”

It’s all well and good to tell you this, but how much screen direction is too much? How many lines? What are the rules?

Here’s my own rule of thumb: When your screen direction can’t be covered by a block of Velveeta cheese, it’s too long.

Examine every word, every line. Is it necessary? If you dropped it, would the scene still make sense? If you’re answer is yes, then drop it.

Generally, five lines or less is a good break point. Cut on natural camera breaks; if we see a new character, or the camera would naturally move, add white space, go to the next line and start a new paragraph. This will make your script cleaner.  Here’s a nice article from Charles Deemer on White Space:

http://www.ibiblio.org/cdeemer/cfs0403.htm

As usual, there are exceptions. Look at this passage from Gangs Of New York:

EXT. STREET DAY (WINTER)

WINTER WIND blows across a scene as strange and bleak as an alien planet. VALLON, carrying his cross high, steps through the doorway. The OTHERS slowly follow VALLON out of the building, which is three stories high and maybe a block long. A dilapidated sign identifies it as the 5 Paints Brewery.

It is the tallest structure in the midst of low, squalid SHACKS, winding ALLEYS as narrow as a snakes back, and DIRT STREETS filled with ruts, mud and filthy snow. A few PIGS wander forlornly about, rooting for garbage.WASH hangs stiff, in the middle of the square, from a peculiar monument erected to some forgotten war hero. The Brewery occupies one side of a SQUARE surrounded by some storefronts and a couple of collapsed wooden sidewalks. If this place resembles anything at all, it’s a horrible hybrid of London’s Limehouse and a pioneer town in the American West whose best days have long passed--or never came at all.

VALLON stands still, staring across the square past the monument. His battalion of irregulars waits for his signal. Now... very, very slowly...from around both sides of the monument comes ANOTHER GANG, in size the same as VALLON’s, men and women both, armed like Visigoths with HOMEMADE WEAPONS: knives, pitchforks, building blocks and bricks, boards with sharp nails protruding from the ends. Every member of this second group is dressed in a long DUSTER which reaches to the ankles. Several MEN in front of the group sport dusters made of leather.

Whoa! They broke the Velveeta Cheese rule! You said to give white space! You said keep the screen description to essentials!

Yes, I did. I also told you there is no one single way to write a script. There will always be exceptions to the general rule.

Maybe Martin Scorsese asked the writers to put in maximum detail (if Marty tells you he wants the script written long hand in green Sharpie, will you inform him that it’s improper format?) Maybe the producers wanted it that way. You, the Unknown Screenwriter, don’t have Scorsese; you don’t have producers. You’re looking for a way in, so as a general rule: Don’t make your screen direction into a giant block of Velveeta Cheese. Give white space.

If it’s a critical scene, sure, go Dylan Thomas on their asses, lay out the 3 dollar verbs. But if a character walks into Starbucks, please don’t tell me about the fake burnt orange flame logs in the fireplace, or the vermilion stitchery of the loungers, or how many single-pump caramel frappuccino drinkers are working screenplays on their Macs! Not unless it impacts story.

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